Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Hey, Michael Jeffries - That's Not Cool.

Have you seen this yet?

Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Explains Why He Hates Fat Chicks

I'm not going to launch into a huge tirade (okay, maybe just a small one) about why this is wrong.  Even if I could fit into A&F clothes I would never shop there. Never have.  I don't wear branded clothing; that is, nothing that has the brand splashed across the front (or ass) of it.  It's just never been my style.  I also think that $40 for a t-shirt is just fucking ridiculous.  Add to that the fact that I gag on the stench of cologne every time I walk past one of their stores in the mall, and it's a sure-fire guarantee that you will never get me in there. I don't care if I lose so much weight I'm a size 2.  I don't care if they're giving shit away.  I don't care if they're paying me to shop there.  This revelation about Michael Jeffries' disdain for the double-digit-sized crowd has no effect on me personally;  it's just one more thing to add to the heap of reasons I will never set foot in the place.

There are plenty of other places for the "cool" kids - regardless of size - to shop.   And I understand that some stores AREN'T going to cater to every size on the spectrum.  That's not really the issue.  You wouldn't expect a store that caters to petites to carry big and tall sizes, nor would you expect Lane Bryant to carry size 0 clothing.  I get that.  What bothers me is Michael Jeffries' implication - nay, declaration -  that anyone who doesn't fit in his clothes is not cool.

But maybe it's time to redefine "cool."  Evidently Michael Jeffries believes "cool" means wearing overpriced, cookie-cutter clothes made by 8-year-old Sri Lankan kids and sold by a company with abhorrent business practices.  Michael Jeffries thinks it's "cool" to demand good-looking (and mainly Caucasian) staff in his stores. Michael Jeffries thinks "cool" means looking just like everyone else.  Michael Jeffries thinks it's all kinds of awesome to encourage his shoppers to be douchebags with an "I'm an elite hot/cool kid because I shop here" mindset.  But douchebags, in my book, are decidedly uncool.

I've got a news flash for Mikey.  Cool is not following the crowd.  Cool is thinking for yourself.  Cool is dressing for yourself.  Cool is dressing how you want, in clothes that make you feel good about yourself.  Cool is loving who you are at any size and NOT feeling bad about yourself because you can't shop in a store that doesn't carry your size - least of all one whose CEO (aka King Douchebag) blatantly attempts to tell you that you're not "hot" enough to shop there.


And you know...I tried not to go here with this, tried not to stoop to his level, but I can't help myself.  I can't help but wonder - has this asshole looked in the mirror lately?  It appears  he's tried to remedy his unfortunate visage through some plastic procedures, but evidently his "surgeon" simply lit Michael's face on fire and put it out with a rake.  Oops.

But really - what's inside this guy is even uglier, and ain't no overpriced polo shirt in the world gonna fix that. 

Mike Jeffries.  Are you a cool kid?


  1. love it. You are absolutely spot on. Remind me to take you with me whenever I need to face a particularly unpleasant person!

  2. Ewwww! Well isn't he one ugly lookin' turd..ya know what they say about turds...ya just can't polish 'em. I agree that these clothes are waay overpriced and "cookie cutter." I happen to think anyone over the age of 25 looks plain dumb wearing that b.s. and by the looks of it "Mikey" obviously has failed a pathetically vain attempt at covering up the fact that his fugly ass is waaay over the hill with shoddy plastic surgery at best.
    Screw this douchenozzle dickface!