Sunday, April 7, 2013

The Liquid Diaries: One Week (and Several Pounds) Down

Okay, so today marks one week since I started the pre-op liquid diet.

I am proud to say that I have followed the diet to the letter.  It hasn't been easy, but it hasn't been terribly difficult either.  I guess I just put it in my head right from the start that this is how it is and I just have to deal with it.  I went to two events yesterday where there were several food trucks, and while the smell was pleasant, I wasn't writhing in temptation.  I breathed in the aroma and enjoyed it as I could.

I also had more weird dreams last night, this time dreaming that I was presented with a delicious hot dog with a bag of kettle chips and a 189-ounce (seriously, that's what it said on the cup) fountain Pepsi.  I said "no thank you," and continued on, but then out of nowhere this bowl of chocolates appeared and I mindlessly unwrapped one and ate it before realizing I had made a mistake.  I ran to the bathroom and forced myself to throw it up, and when I did, all sorts of things emerged from my stomach - not just food (and lots of it), but other random objects like tires and pencils and credit cards and silverware and a bright red wig.  At one point I pulled an appliance blanket out of my mouth, like the magicians do with brightly colored handkerchiefs. It was so bizarre, yet nothing actually hurt coming up.  There is a lot of symbolism there, and it makes a ton of sense knowing what I know about my past, and it doesn't take a genius in psychology to know that it's a representation of purging my deepest issues surrounding food and my weight.  I could (and perhaps will someday) write a book about that.

But I digress. The worst part, really, is not being deprived of food, but rather learning how to deal with my body's reaction to the process (see post about Tylenol and baby wipes).  But even that has become a little more bearable as I've become more tuned in to my body's signals and have come to know what to expect.

And I make sure I know exactly where the restroom as soon as I enter any establishment, in the event I have to make a mad dash for it at any time during my visit.

Despite my initial excitement, I haven't done the veggies in my broth, only because I've been too preoccupied with other things to go to the grocery store (and I suppose I'm subconsciously avoiding it), but I've still survived.  And after seven days of protein shakes, water, broth, gelatin, sugar-free sports drinks, and unsweetened iced tea, I not only feel fine, I also feel a little lighter.


Holy shit.  I had to step on the scale three times this morning to believe it, but there it was in all its blue LED glory.

In the grand scheme of things it's a mere drop in the bucket, but every journey, no matter how long, begins with a single step.  And remember the flight analogy from last weekend? I like to think this first 11 pounds as that moment between taxi and takeoff, just as the plane begins to gain momentum on the runway.  You hear the change in the engines' roar and feel the familiar shudder and you know -- in just a short time you'll be in the sky.   There's still that moment of uncertainty, that little shred of doubt that won't let you believe you're really flying until you look out the window and see the ground far below you, but you're in motion.

And that's always a good way to start. :-)

1 comment:

  1. Wow. So glad you are recording this journey, those dreams are crazy intense and full of meaning.

    Love you!!!