Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I'll Have an Order of the Reckless Abandon with a Side of Sensible, Please

The other day my friend said to me, "Man, if I were you, I'd be stuffing my face with everything I could possibly stuff it with right now."

Part of me feels like doing that, but part of me knows I should really be moving toward healthier habits.  I was doing okay for a while when I was participating in the mind-body workshop and had to keep a food diary, but after that ended (and the holidays rolled around) I fell off the wagon and started not paying such close attention to my diet.  The vegetables I had bought to make juice with started to rot in the fridge while I stopped for a slice of pizza or went on another assignment that involved food (I work part time as an independent service evaluator and frequently pick up restaurant assignments that provide reimbursement for the meal).

I do have an occasion in the works wherein I plan to get a number of my friends together for a "last supper" sort of deal at my favorite wing dive.  However, I've made it clear to those who'll listen that it's not about eating until I explode, but rather just a chance for me to indulge one last time in a pile of chicken wings (which I will eventually be able to enjoy again) and Pepsi (which, as I've mentioned, will be banished from my life completely). 

If you know anything about the Gemini mindset, you'll  understand when I say Twin A says, "find that gym and start your workout routine right away!  Eat a salad!  Juice some carrots!"  Twin B, on the other hand, says, "Better eat that pizza and suck down that Pepsi while you still can, sister! Stop at Paula's on your way home for a frosted angel creme while you're at it!"

So now that I'm less than two months away from Sleeve Day, I need to listen more to Twin A and tell Twin B to shut the hell up.  Or at least simmer down a bit, because old habits die hard and I need to develop new, healthier ones before I hit that table.  I know that surgery is not the magic wand and that I need to follow a healthy diet and a regular exercise regimen in order to achieve optimal results - the Internet is full of plenty of non-success stories from people who have neglected to do such - but I guess I'm just dragging my feet.

Yesterday as I left work I realized I hadn't eaten all day.  Bad, bad, bad, bad.  That's a terrible habit that I've developed over the years, of not eating all day and then stuffing my face so full at dinner I pass out afterward.  It's a great way to fuck up your metabolism, in case you're looking for a way to do that. So I was starving, it was 3:00 in the afternoon, and I actually craved something green.  After thinking about it and driving around in circles for a half hour or so, I decided to go to a place near my office that has a great salad bar AND pizza.  On a buffet.  Yikes.  Now, buffets + hungry me = certain disaster, but I actually managed to not go completely bananas.  I started with a gigantic salad, which made the subsequent trips to the buffet yield much less than they normally might have.  I had a little bit of everything, but I didn't heap my plate with loads of crap.  One slice of pizza.  A half-spoonful of pasta.  Four french fries.  One chicken finger.  A small (yes, really) slice of pie. It was still bad-for-me food, but because I'd filled up on salad first I wasn't tempted to go hog-wild and travel back and forth with enough food to feed an entire third-world village.  AND I'd gotten more than a couple servings of veggies in the process.  So it was kind of a win.  Right?  I get points for awareness, in my book.

To others this might seem like simple common sense, but to me it's not always the way it goes.  Remember, I'm a compulsive overeater, and dropping me into a buffet is like dropping an alcoholic into an Irish bar on St. Patrick's Day.  This time, though, I was full, but not to the point of extreme discomfort.  My belt stayed buckled exactly where it had been all day, and when I came home I managed to stay upright for the rest of the evening - and well into it, at that.  And all it really took was a big old salad to start. 

To a normal person this might seem like a no-brainer, but to me?  It's a small victory on the path to the larger event. 








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